


Crime Brûlée

by angelsaves



Category: The Great British Bake Off RPF
Genre: M/M, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-23 20:23:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12515812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsaves/pseuds/angelsaves
Summary: In which a tall, redheaded drink of water walks into private eye Selasi Gbormittah's office... or something like that.





	Crime Brûlée

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oliviacirce](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oliviacirce/gifts).



> This is a Yuletide Treat. Happy time of year!
> 
> There's a bit of a plot twist, which I have spoiled in the ending notes, just in case.
> 
> Title from Tamal Ray's twitter: [here](https://twitter.com/DrRayBakes/status/871339163412516864).

Selasi Gbormittah sat in his office, feet up on his desk, pork pie hat tipped low over his forehead, considering the merits of a drink. Just as he'd decided in favor, there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," he said, sitting up and composing himself. The man who walked in was a tall drink of water: white, red-haired, freckled, with a nervous look and long legs that could drive a man to distraction. In fact, they'd done just that. "How can I help you?" Selasi asked, belatedly.

"I heard you were a private investigator," said the man, timidly, with a Northern Irish accent.

"That's right," Selasi said. He steepled his fingers on the desk. "Best in the business."

"Of course you are," muttered the man, hiding a smile.

"Excuse me?" Selasi leaned his chair back on two legs.

"Nothing. I - ah - my grandmother's ring has been stolen." He was young, Selasi thought, in his early twenties, and he wore a cozy-looking jumper and khakis. Not exactly the uniform of an _homme fatale_ , but appealing. "It - are you listening to me?"

"Mm-hmm," Selasi said, admiring him. "Ring. Grandmother."

"Yes, it was stolen by - uh, a doctor," the man continued. "That's right, a doctor."

"What did he look like?" Selasi asked.

"Handsome," the man said. "Tall. Pillowy lips - gay!"

Selasi had let his chair fall forward, startling him. "Sorry," he said, not feeling very sorry at all. "So, this handsome doctor, how did he get ahold of your ring? Did he get you into a compromising position?"

"Oh, yes," said the man. "Very compromising. I thought - why are you looking at me like that? - I thought he was going to kiss me."

"Hmm." Selasi didn't like the sound of that. "But he didn't, did he?"

"No, but when he left, I noticed that the ring was gone." The man looked at him, big-eyed. "Do you think you can track him down?"

"Yes," Selasi said calmly, "but I need to know more about you, first."

"Oh, really? What would you like to know, Mr. Investigator?"

What kind of men he liked. Whether he was free for dinner. What that smile tasted like. "Your name, to start."

"Andrew Smyth," he said readily.

"Had this doctor come over for a house call, or were you wearing the ring at the time?"

"Wearing it," Andrew said. "On a chain around my neck."

"Sweet," Selasi said, writing it down on his notepad. "And were you on a date?"

"Yes - no - I wasn't sure." He sounded flustered, a touch of pink in his cheeks making the freckles stand out brightly. "Is this necessary?"

"Leave the detective work up to me," Selasi said. "Now, about this _handsome doctor_ -"

"Oh my god, are you jealous?" Andrew asked.

"Sir, I am a consummate professional -"

Andrew started to laugh. "Oh my god. If I'd known you'd get jealous of Tamal, I would have used Jane instead!"

Selasi tried to defend himself: "You said you were in a compromising position!"

"I was messing with you!" Andrew tapped the brim of his hat. "And now we've gone and broken character."

"It was fun while it lasted," Selasi said. "Anyway, I could still conduct a thorough investigation." He gave Andrew his most smoldering look.

Andrew leaned over the desk and kissed the tip of his nose. "You sexy detective, you." Then he kissed Selasi on the mouth, which was much better. Selasi fisted one hand in his jumper and pulled him forward; Andrew climbed over the top of the desk and into his lap, right where Selasi wanted him.

"Mmm," Selasi said, kissing Andrew's throat just above the collar of his jumper. "We can never tell Tamal about this."

"His head will swell," Andrew agreed.

" _Pillowy lips_ ," Selasi reminded him. "Where do you get these things?"

"You have to admit -" Andrew started to say, then changed tactics in the middle: "I like your lips better."

"Do you?" Selasi nibbled on his neck a little, reddening the pale skin there.

"Oh God, don't stop - yes, I do. Tamal's are nice to look at, but yours are - oh - attached to you, and I rather love you."

Selasi paused, midway through the love bite he was busily giving him, and repeated, "...do you?"

"God, yes," Andrew said, like it was obvious. "You're the most gorgeous man I've ever seen, you bake like a dream, you don't steal the covers, and for some reason, you appear to, well... _like_ me."

" _Like_ you," Selasi said in disbelief. "Is that all!"

"Well, I don't want to put words in your mmmmf!" He eventually gave up trying to talk and let Selasi kiss him senseless, melting into his arms.

Selasi pulled back after a bit, and said "I love y- is that burning?"

"Oh, Christ!" Andrew leapt off of his lap and ran for Selasi's kitchen. "I forgot about the biscuits!"

Selasi followed him at a more sedate pace, only to find the kitchen full of smoke. Wordlessly, he opened the windows and put on the fan.

"They're ruined," Andrew said sadly, dumping the pan of blackened bits into the bin.

"Only you would put biscuits in to bake before a kinky role play," Selasi said fondly.

"I thought, you know, a bite to eat when we finished! Anyway, it wasn't very kinky."

"I had plans for that desk," Selasi said. "It _could_ have been kinky."

"You were saying something," Andrew said then, "before I nearly set your flat on fire."

"Well, you didn't," Selasi said. "I appreciate that. I love you."

"Thank you," Andrew said. "Wait, what?"

"I said -"

"I heard you!" Andrew grabbed his face and kissed him thoroughly. "I never thought you'd actually _say_ it."

"I say things," Selasi said, disgruntled. 

"You don't," Andrew said cheerily. "You _do_ things, like being my sexy private eye, or making me breakfast in the mornings, and I love you for that."

"Yes, well," Selasi said, and kissed him again, his infuriating, beautiful, big-hearted boyfriend. "I love you too."

"I know," Andrew said, beaming. "Now, about those plans you had for the desk..."

"Let's see if I can remember them," Selasi said. He led Andrew into the office, then backed him up against the desk, caging him safely in with his arms and kissing him deeply. "This was the first part."

"Mmm. I like it." Andrew wound his arms around Selasi's neck. "What comes next?"

"This." Selasi dropped to his knees and undid the fly of Andrew's trousers to pull his cock out. Andrew exhaled, slowly, like he always did; Selasi thought he might have had a hair trigger when he was a bit younger. He took a moment to appreciate it aesthetically, jutting out proudly from gingery curls, then sucked it into his mouth as deeply as he could.

"Oh," Andrew said softly, "that's good." 

"Mmm," Selasi agreed, bobbing his head and hollowing his cheeks. At the same time - he was a talented multitasker, especially during sex - he pulled the little bottle of lube out of his pocket and slicked up his fingers. There was nothing Andrew liked so much as a finger or two up his arse during a blowjob.

"See, you - oh - _do_ things," Andrew said, stroking the back of Selasi's head. "You know me so well."

Selasi would have smiled if he hadn't had his mouth full, but he was busy. He teased Andrew's hole until his hips were jerking both backwards and forwards, like he couldn't decide whether to chase the sensations with his cock or his arse, then took pity on him and thrust inside.

"God, your hands, your mouth - you're brilliant. Fuck, will you fuck me? Over the desk?"

Oh, Selasi liked that idea. He redoubled his efforts at cocksucking and fingerfucking, and soon, Andrew came with a heavy sigh. "Now turn around," Selasi directed, getting up off the floor. Obediently, Andrew did, leaning forward on his elbows and tilting his hips up without being told. Selasi stepped out of his trousers and patted him fondly on the arse, then rolled on a condom. "Are you ready for me?

"Yes," Andrew said. "Selasi, please -"

He slid in, just hard enough to cut Andrew's request off with a moan. Andrew was hot and tight and perfect, and Selasi wanted this to last forever.

It didn't, though; Selasi had stamina, but he also had limits, and Andrew felt so good. Eventually, he tipped over into orgasm, folding forward to kiss the nape of Andrew's neck as he did.

They lay there for a few minutes, catching their breath, until finally Selasi said, "I must be crushing you," and moved over.

"Well, I wasn't going to say anything," Andrew said with a chuckle. "Let's go get cleaned up, my sexy private eye."

Selasi thought he could handle that.

**Author's Note:**

> Selasi is not an unprofessional detective; they're boyfriends who are roleplaying!


End file.
